Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize