So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
