I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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