I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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