The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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