So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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