ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
