dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
