Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
