Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
