I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
