Fine. I'll sleep in my office
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
