Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
