There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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