my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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