You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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