We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
