I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
