you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
