Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
