Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
