Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
