ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize