I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
