she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
