In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
