Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize