I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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