im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
