I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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