im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize