What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
