u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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