Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
