You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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