Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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