Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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