mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
