even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
