Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
