Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
