I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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