We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
