Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
