I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
