Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
