I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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