Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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