Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
