The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
