I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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