she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
