i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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