I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
