i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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