I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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