Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
