No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
