would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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