But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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