i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
