Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
