My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
