he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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