i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize