Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
