In the future we'll all be gay
I cut my penus on the lid.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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