Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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