I accidentally had phone sex last night
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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