i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
